Give Me Words To Speak

Every night, every day
I find that I have nothing left to say
So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance
I’m wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let them be Your Words *

I’ve loved to write for as long as I can remember. In elementary school I wrote little stories about puppy love and girls kicking the boys’ butts at football only to fall in love with the quarterback. In high school and college I graduated to fan fiction, spending too much time rewriting the lives of my favorite musicians or actors. I went back to read some of those stories recently and they were pretty bad. Okay, some of them were really bad. But I’d like to think I’ve gotten better. I’d like to think that I’ve learned something in the last 20+ years.

When I began to consider writing again four years ago, I was unsure at best. I had never really made up my own characters, at least not any with depth. But I jumped in head first. Preparing to go back to school for a Masters in forensic DNA, a suspense novel made the most sense. And I seem to be incapable, at least to this point, or writing anything without a romance. So my first romantic suspense novel was born.

It’s been a long four years and stops and starts. In fact, I had all but given up on it until 2011′s NaNoWriMo inspired me to pick it up again. I added 50,000+ words in a month and wrapped it up a few weeks later. It was incredibly satisfying to type “The End”, but I still felt somewhat directionless.

I mailed in my first proposal/partial to an agent this week, and that was the first time I felt clarity in my purpose for all of this. I was going on little sleep and had spent most of my morning praying over this proposal, and when I held it over the mailbox, poised to drop it in, this song came on my mp3 player. And the words are true, every one of them. I feel called to write. I’ve never been able to say that before. I feel that I have a direction in my writing. I’m no special vessel, but if God can use my writing to teach me, and hopefully others, more about Him then I want to be used. Getting that second (or third, fourth, etc.) chance to share His grace is priceless.

I know I’m on a long road to being published, but I’m learning more every day. I’m being blessed every day. And I’m thanking God every day.

*song: “Give Me Words To Speak” by Aaron Shust

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